This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
