can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
