The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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