Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
