Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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