Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
