im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
