talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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