omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
