Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Two words: nipple clamps
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