There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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