fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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