oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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