Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
