doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
