i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
