Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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