also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
