Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
