Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
