It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
