My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
