she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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