Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
