Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
