Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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