That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
