Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
