glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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