I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
