I wish my penis had an off switch
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
