Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
