Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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