i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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