I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
