Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
