im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
