He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
