Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
