Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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