is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
