after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
