she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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