are you still at the devil's house?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
