Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
