Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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