I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
