I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
