I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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