He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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