If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
