If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
