ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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