I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
