yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
