The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
